Searching for *something*

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive and more constructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person. - Frank Barron

I tried to start this blog off with some sort of “inspiration”. I looked around the net for not too long to find some nice quotes… and these 2 stood out for me. The first, relating slightly to a situation with a “friend” and how I need to view the situation. I don’t need this person to dote on. I need to give myself that love, in which I am more deserving than I let myself believe, instead of tirelessly and unconditionally to them. I know that my “problem” is primarily that I do not have an outlet for the emotions previously poured out (more like built up and kept out of the way because I never felt like I could let any of that show, heaven forbid they get in a relationship… oh wait… they did, but it sure wasn’t me). Anyways, obviously I have issues with this, but the distance is good if only for that situation.
And the second quote… supports why I seem to get so worked up about things, amongst other things it may ‘explain’. I AM and artist. I have an overwhelming urge to create, to feel, to experience, to love, and with that driving me… and not always being able to properly express myself.. I do find myself relating very well to that quote. That being said, I hope to be able to find outlets of expression that until now I have not allowed or not been able to have.  I need to consciously make an effort to express/create. What am I going to do? Im not sure yet. The knitting/crochet thing ususally numbs the urge momentarily as it is an act of creation… but summertime is not the best time for that. I am desparately clinging to the fact that I will have a studio once I move home. I need that space.  Also, I have every intention of getting back into fine art photography and hopefully with the help of some friends, do some portfolio work for portrait photography.

AND…! I ordered a guitar today. It will just have to be my cheap-o version for now. But it is blue and will be just fine until I can save up and get good enough to deserve a better/different one. So.. that can be an outlet as well. Hopefully I can incorporate music into my studio space as well. I would love to have numerous instruments out there in which myself and company can create whatever the moment requires. As I said.. I need this space. It is the only thing I am really looking forward to when I get home.  Besides the obvious *which is the people duh*
and…. I need to start writing. Im thinking lyrics, but maybe a good start would be plays, as that is what I know how to do.. kinda…

Thats it for the creative spurt sort of moment Im having. In other news…. SUMMERFEST is DONE!!! O.M.G. what the heck was I thinking?!?! I saw a few cool people and worked with some nice folks, but I was just plain exhausted and disgusting after those 11 days. I saw KISS get into thier getaway car, I saw the guitarist/singer of Chavelle on his ciggy break and I think I got a pick that belonged to him. I saw Bob Dylan during “like a rolling stone”, I heard/saw No Doubt sing “dont speak” and almost cried, and heard Kid Rock do a couple songs. But for the most part I was stuck in a bathroom. I almost gave up on it. But I knew I had committed to it, and I was NOT going to give up. So, I stuck it out. Thats about all there is to the story : /

Also, my sister and I are looking for an apartment to almost no avail. Hopefully something will work out for us here soon. The problem we are running into is that no one wants people moving in in aug. only to move out in dec.  Mom got a new house. Thats kinda exciting. AND BJ (long lost half brother) and his wife Carey are having a baby! Im gonna be an aunt!

I think thats about it.  Now heres a couple pictures from the past few weeks (month??)

The first one is from going out with friends saturday night and the other is sunday night sparklers! <3
Till next time my loves!

~A to the Jo

Beach Pictures

And that was then day at the beach.

Love.

(and our group at the Zoo on Mothers Day)

A new day

Happy first day of May! Nothing much around here going on. Just a few little changes here and there. First of all, my day job is pretty much done. Zip, zilch, nada hours. Only hours from Lifetouch are on the weekends should there be a prom. Then there is JCP. I ususally get 3-9 hours TOPS a week. Thankfully, the REP telemarketing is going to start up again and I will be doing that. But that isnt until about the 17th. AND….. Drumroll please…. I have been hired to work for summerfest and that will lead hopefully to working the other festivals over summer as well!!!! YAY! bring on the sunshine.

Faith on Easter

Dani and Jayde on Easter

I just finally uploaded a few weeks worth of pics… not that many, but a few. Here are some from easter when I got to see Shay and Dani (and thier respective daughters…)I hadnt seen the girls in sooo long. It was nice to see them. I hope to see them again soon! Another little girl that Im missing muchly is Little Miss Emily.

A few weeks ago as well, I did the Gallery Night thing. Topher and Lauren being my primary visits… congrats to them!

I’m still figuring out this whole… editing thing with the blog and all. Please forgive the strange layouts.

Lets see. What else. I have been drawn again back to Tarot. I have been looking into some of my past readings and contemplating doing some more.  All in part to finding a group on Ravelry that is not only a knitting group, but tarot as well. I’m looking into getting a new deck too. It is stunning. The Bohemian Gothic Tarot Card set

I am excited for what this change in months/seasons may bring. Im looking forward to a new pace with things involving work. Maybe I’ll get back into some photography again. I dont know. Maybe some theatre. This is my first summer where I am not really at home. First summer where I still have to work to pay rent. It will be a new experience. It might be tough… but I’m sure things will work themselves out just fine.

Till then.

Book List for 1001 days…

This will be a list of books that I have read in the time that I do the 1001 days challange.

1. The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula LeGuin

Alright. Official first real post here.

Im fed up with myspace. I admit, its like a drug for me.  I need to get myself away from the foolish things that happen  there. So im starting anew here.  I have an early morning.  I work for lifetouch photography.. and that involves waking up before the sun.  Ill do more of an intro later…

Week in the life day 4

week in the life day 4

No pics today…

woke up.
went to the school.
took seven or so pics for retakes.
left the school.
went to culvers
went back to the office.
left office.
Went home.
cleaned house like a rockstar.
kept working on my ‘costume’
went to work 2.
got my pay check yo.
sold a 203 dollar dealio
came home.
put up shower curtian after taking old one down.
Talked to meghan.
phone died.
cut more pieces for costume and pinned skirt part together.
im going to clean off my bed (books, papers yarn etc…)
Get in bed.

SLEEP!

side note from yesterday.
While I was at burger king (random departure from mcds… but they have dr pepper, so i may go there instead now) the gal who was workin the drive through (and apparently every other part of the place poor thing) said to me when i got up to the window… ” oh my you have such pretty blue eyes”   a random act of kindness that will stick with me for awhile.  Everybody likes to hear nice things, especially when its a stranger that is noticing something good about you. I challange you to compliment (genuinely) someone ( preferrable a stranger) this week…  maybe it will come around to you someday and you will know what i mean.

Im kinda really excited for six flags.

no lie.

i just wish more people would get in on it.

but theres nothin i can do about that being out here.

ok.. off to dreamland. (love that place!)

oh btw check out…

face clues

A week in the life, day three

A week in the life, day three

I went to bed too late last night and had a hard time getting myself going this morning. I went to a local school, so it wasnt too bad. But once I was allllll set up i had to move up to a stage.Oh well. The lady there was really nice and helpful to us.
I really felt sick today after ‘lunch’ : frozen twix icecream bar and cheese curds and soda. EW. still feeling sick. Came home and went to sleep! only for an hour tho.

Tonight Im going over to … Someones house with Heather and Jason to watch… dundundunnnn : Battlestar Galactica. GoMe. Its actually pretty fun.

I neeeeed to get stuff done around here before people come around! This place is definately … well… lived in.

After Battlestar im just coming home and going to sleep. I kind of get to sleep in tomorrow. AND i get a paycheck tomorrow! But i have to send that one home due to no bank here that can deal with it.

I have to get to the store tomorrow too. Need… one birthday present. One piece to a costume.

ahh. i need to leave like, five minutes ago…

ttyl

no pics today

Week in the Life Day 2

Week in the Life Day 2

So. Turns out I won a peer vote for one of my pictures, and now that is being sent up the ladder for further consideration in contesting.

Today I went to Racine. Had a busy k-5 school. Done by noon. Came home. Watched Heroes! Showered. Listed some things on Etsy!!!! (wish me luck) and Then im off to work again tonight. Last night I sold a subscription! yay.

Hula hooped a little. I dont have enough space to do that here without hitting something! Lol. I need to get movin on some crochet stuff too. I wanna STOCK my etsy store UP.Im currently working on a childs dress (maybe 2yrs old).  And as usual…. MULTIPLE scarves. Id like to get a blanket finished here soon too, so I can list it and get it moving. Im about halfway through 2 of em. But I think Ive got one in mind for me. OH and I have to finish Kellys Blanket for Hunter. Sheesh. I dont have a good on time track record for blankets..

well Im off to work.

And im back…. with a little bit of a photo tour or whatchamacallit

Ok. First up. My walk from my car to my second job at the Milwaukee Rep. Theatre. Crossing the bridge amidst the buildings that make up the milwaukee skyline. Over the milwaukee river as well. Note in the picture of a chinese resturant the figure of a man. That is the infamous ‘Fonz’ statue. RANDOM location if you ask me.
Then once inside the rep, I go in an elevator. exciting. Behind me as i wait, is the sign for the ‘way out’. Fun.

There is a blurry picture of the corridor that leads to the cubicle area (yes… corridor, not hallway). Then Ive got some view from my desk, and of course self imposed pics.

Then we have the view of my door. Creepy lighting and rain and horrid camera make for quite the unsettling shot.but its all good. And finally we have my door. Home sweet apartment number 3.

And with that I say good night.

ps.
ive had the most random song in my head alot lately.

“no sugar tonight in my coffee, no sugar tonight in my tea”

(in the transfer from myspace to here i lost the pics)

A week in the life. Day One

A week in the life. Day One

Monday. About as exciting as it can get. Work on mondays is usually ok, as a weekend of rest gives me extra energy. But this weekend had a bit more going on. So… the day drags on. Im only halfway through it and ready for bed.

I wake up around 445, actually get out of bed by 505. And try to hit the road by 530. Im going (as google maps tells me) 51 minutes away. Kewaskum Wisconsin. Retakes at a middle school. Not exactly the best of days, but I got all set up in under an hour. and got done a half an hour early. So.. its all good.

Couple pictures from my not so good camera. The drive home today… drove by the miller stadium, then by the Brewery, and then by work. Oh! And Welcome Fall!!! Thats an old picture of a tree in Eagle Point, but yeah… theres plenty out there…

Im off to go to lunch with Megan. We are going to go to Noodles and Company.

Then I have a meeting at 3 at work, hopefully i finally will have some pictures on the board. There are winners and prizes for those who get voted for. Since I havent worked there for very long, my pics are just now getting up there to be voted on. Ill update yall about that later.

Then its time to go to work at the Rep. ( Milwaukee Rep. Theatre). Telemarketing is sooooo (not) fun. But im doing well.

Im working on making a costume or whatever for Halloween. Im very amatuer when it comes to sewing, but we’ll see how things turn out.

Today I have felt nothing but frustration and mild anger. There is no particular STRONG source.. but yet, as usual, many little sources. Im not going into detail..but im constantly amazed at how much certian people (numerous people) can affect how I am. Sometimes I wish that I could just move on and exist as if I never knew or never shared experiences with some of these people. But in all honesty, I know that I cannot, and that these people and experiences have formed who I am. I just get nostalgic sometimes. Especially out here on my own. With out the friends of my choosing by my side. Alot of these people take up soooo much room in my heart (or whatever you wanna call it) that to ‘erase’ or move on from them and those times would leave me feeling extremely empty. Being here without them too leaves an echo in there sometimes.  And that is why dealing with them and the few instances that I may get to see them and trying to add as many times to that as i can (because half or more of any plans will not happen) gets me so wriled up and touchy.  And thats how i feel today.

Heres hoping for a better tomorrow.

PS… Meghan is moving in on friday!!!!!
shooot .
that means i gotta clean more… gah.

Update

Wow. I dont really even know where to start.

I have jumped in head first out here in Milwaukee. I have the full time job as a photographer for Lifetouch School Photography Studios (benefits and bonus incentives included lol) That is going great, I love it and am doing well, even got recruited for the candids section of the company…. BUT. That only really goes to about christmas and then we start up again in about Feb. So I started looking for a second little job. And I found one. One that Im actually terrified to do, but it will force me out of this shell ive made. Its Telemarketing, but, it is for the Milwaukee Rep Theatre, offering subscription packages to people who have had business with the Rep in the past 18 months. I will surrounded by theatre people, talking to theatre people… I think thats a good way to go.

Thats not where it ends either. Job number 3:  in the works yet, but I would be a manager of sorts for a company called KidStage, and I would start up as many Milwaukee based classes (daycare, k-12, senior citizens) that run from 4-8 weeks centered around theatre. I would be the one hiring. I would be the top of the local pyramid. I would be the boss. How awesome is that… how great will this look on my theatre resume? Im excited to see how this pans out. As terrified I am to go into foreign territory, Its about the art, its about sharing it, and its about the kids and making a difference in someone’s world.

All of these things have done wonders for my confidence… seriously… the things I have people telling me every now and then is sooo cool to hear. Ive been told that people are hearing good things about me at the photo job, and these new people hiring me say wonderful things about what they get from my resume and from their first impressions. If they see it, so will others.

Im on my way baby.

oh.
And… a friend of mine is going to get my foot in the door at a theatre group he works/plays for.  That would have to be voluenteer time, but Im looking forward to what that brings as well.

Next big thing is my weekend home. Not sure what that will bring, but i think im switching cars… bringing alot of stuff home…. (here) and seeing whoever i can. with all this work coming up im not sure exactly how or when the next time im around will be. idk even about holidays, as meghan only has the day of off, so if its not a weekend, then its pretty much a bust for her. And im not going to just leave her here alone on a holiday…. an average weekend, maybe, but not a holiday when you are supposed to be with ‘family’

So. Wish me luck in my work ventures…

ALSO… hope that my new printer/scanner works out. first problem was that it didnt come with the “included” ink cartriges, second is that it froze up on install the first time around… : /

Finally.
If you havent checked out Pretty.Odd. by Panic at the Disco… well.    you should.   Im really really diggin it…. have been for the past month or so.   And thats it. have a lovely evening… welcome to the fall.