i think i will start blogging here too … i guess (myspace)

Posted: August 25, 2005 in Uncategorized

i think i will start blogging here too … i guess

I have a headache. My eyes are wet. I am tired. I am not happy! Ugh. I hate being here more than anyone can know. Its like you are on a path, a nice, new paved cement pathway, to a garden for example, and on either side there are sticker bushes or gravel (and you are barefoot!) and someone or something pushes you off the path, or you are stepping aside or something and for some reason, but now you just cannot get on that nice path again. You are stuck. you really want to be on that path and can think of nothing better than that path and getting to that garden. Thats how I feel, but worse. I just dont know if I was pushed, or if it was decided for me that it would be better to walk through the woods than to the gardens. Just beyond the gravel, there may be grass, so much more plesant to walk on… Im really trying to make the best of it all. But I have had something wonderful for the past 2 years and that has been taken away from me. It feels like my heart is being ripped out. I know, overdramatic, but ya know, thats how it makes me feel. I almost think it would have been better to never have been there in the first place, that way i wouldnt know what i was missing.
I went to my orientation today. That was hard. I got my books today too, 410.55 , expensive. I dont know what im going to do with my life, I dont know what i want to do. I cannot picture myself in any occupation or what i might be doing 5 years from now.
The girls i babysit threw me an un-birthday ‘party’ today. They gave me presents too. just little backpack clips, like the kitty one i have on my purse. They thought they could keep the kitty company. They hoped that the kitty wouldnt be scared by the dogs. it was very sweet.

I miss the moon. I cant wait for it to be back.

i think im done now.



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