Searching for *something*

Posted: July 14, 2009 in Uncategorized

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive and more constructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person. – Frank Barron

I tried to start this blog off with some sort of “inspiration”. I looked around the net for not too long to find some nice quotes… and these 2 stood out for me. The first, relating slightly to a situation with a “friend” and how I need to view the situation. I don’t need this person to dote on. I need to give myself that love, in which I am more deserving than I let myself believe, instead of tirelessly and unconditionally to them. I know that my “problem” is primarily that I do not have an outlet for the emotions previously poured out (more like built up and kept out of the way because I never felt like I could let any of that show, heaven forbid they get in a relationship… oh wait… they did, but it sure wasn’t me). Anyways, obviously I have issues with this, but the distance is good if only for that situation.
And the second quote… supports why I seem to get so worked up about things, amongst other things it may ‘explain’. I AM and artist. I have an overwhelming urge to create, to feel, to experience, to love, and with that driving me… and not always being able to properly express myself.. I do find myself relating very well to that quote. That being said, I hope to be able to find outlets of expression that until now I have not allowed or not been able to have.  I need to consciously make an effort to express/create. What am I going to do? Im not sure yet. The knitting/crochet thing ususally numbs the urge momentarily as it is an act of creation… but summertime is not the best time for that. I am desparately clinging to the fact that I will have a studio once I move home. I need that space.  Also, I have every intention of getting back into fine art photography and hopefully with the help of some friends, do some portfolio work for portrait photography.

AND…! I ordered a guitar today. It will just have to be my cheap-o version for now. But it is blue and will be just fine until I can save up and get good enough to deserve a better/different one. So.. that can be an outlet as well. Hopefully I can incorporate music into my studio space as well. I would love to have numerous instruments out there in which myself and company can create whatever the moment requires. As I said.. I need this space. It is the only thing I am really looking forward to when I get home.  Besides the obvious *which is the people duh*
and…. I need to start writing. Im thinking lyrics, but maybe a good start would be plays, as that is what I know how to do.. kinda…

Thats it for the creative spurt sort of moment Im having. In other news…. SUMMERFEST is DONE!!! O.M.G. what the heck was I thinking?!?! I saw a few cool people and worked with some nice folks, but I was just plain exhausted and disgusting after those 11 days. I saw KISS get into thier getaway car, I saw the guitarist/singer of Chavelle on his ciggy break and I think I got a pick that belonged to him. I saw Bob Dylan during “like a rolling stone”, I heard/saw No Doubt sing “dont speak” and almost cried, and heard Kid Rock do a couple songs. But for the most part I was stuck in a bathroom. I almost gave up on it. But I knew I had committed to it, and I was NOT going to give up. So, I stuck it out. Thats about all there is to the story : /

Also, my sister and I are looking for an apartment to almost no avail. Hopefully something will work out for us here soon. The problem we are running into is that no one wants people moving in in aug. only to move out in dec.  Mom got a new house. Thats kinda exciting. AND BJ (long lost half brother) and his wife Carey are having a baby! Im gonna be an aunt!

I think thats about it.  Now heres a couple pictures from the past few weeks (month??)DSCN2299

DSCN2354

The first one is from going out with friends saturday night and the other is sunday night sparklers! ❤
Till next time my loves!

~A to the Jo


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